Kobach To Defend Kansans from UFO's

Secretary Kobach has turned his attention to a new scourge that’s affecting thousands of Kansans – abductions of Kansas’ citizens by UFOs.  Kobach remarked, “95% of extreme conservatives responded affirmatively when asked the question, ‘would you be frightened if you were sucked up into a UFO’, clearly Kansans are very concerned about this issue.”  Kobach has asked the Kansas legislature to give him new powers to pursue these alien abductors. 

 

Fox News went on to point out that analysis also shows extremists aren’t the only ones concerned. 60% of those individuals diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenics and 20% of survivalists are also concerned about these alien abductions.  Fox News has critically examined this issue since the Ebola virus was cured the day after the election in 2014.  They have confirmed that it’s a real threat to Kansas and America.

Secretary Kobach is already shouldering a huge burden on behalf Kansas citizens having recently taken on the obligation to prosecute all the voting fraud in Kansas.  He clearly, however, feels this issue of UFO abductions is equally compelling, “While voter fraud is a threat to our democracy, UFO abductions threaten the life and safety of every Kansan.”

Kobach went on to provide examples of both problems, pointing out that Tim Huelskamp only won re-election to his congressional seat by 73,367 votes.  Without voter fraud, that margin would have been 73,370 votes by Kobach’s analysis.  He also noted that he heard from a recent Kansas voter who claimed to have been abducted by a UFO, stating “I was smoking weed and the next thing I remembered I woke up with Dorito crumbs all over my face.  Clearly, I was abducted by aliens.”

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